Placing blame on an elaborate song and dance regarding the apparition who forced me to watch a bullfight didn’t exhibit much gutsiness in my November 30th Vegan prose blog. Nobody needed a psychology degree to discern the difference between my subconscious and an alleged Mexican ghost. It’s often that way, letting stuff hang out in the breeze each week, most other entries are written more directly. That was November, ages ago, this is Christmas week; who looks forward to a stocking stuffed with coal?
The phantom story versus pinpointing my subconscious also occurs when conveying, “I’ll keep you in my thoughts” opposed to “I’ll keep you in my prayers.” Generally, I’ll have a good sense about who to say what to. Those that are atheist, diagnosed with cancer or immediate family member just died hear me respectfully say, “I’ll keep you in my thoughts.” How this particular post applies to non-believers should be straight forward; Frosty and Rudolph are always available for company as holiday alternatives.
This blog, coined INNER SANCTVM, stems from chiseled letters in Latin on marble inside Castellammare del Golfo’s Chiesa Madrice. The gang’s all there; led by namesake Maria SS. del Soccorso, patrona di Castellammare del Golfo. This year I desperately hoped December would be the holiest of months, more so than April’s Resurrection Sunday.
Uncertainty is one emotion that cloaks me with anxiety — I’ve no use for neither. Three weeks ago, on November 30th, I asked without further delay before December 1st’s arrival for God’s infinite wisdom, alongside light so bright, uncertainty and anxiety would be but a thing of the past. Wednesday came and went. I should preface the opening of my prayer, it’s rather personal, yet necessary to publish, adapted from Trappist monk, Sir Thomas Merton’s, Jesus Prayer. “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner; I beg you to forgive the sins I’ve committed.” Some might be thinking, “Whoa Jehr, that was more information than I needed.” Along with God’s forgiveness and mercy, do excuse my unswerving conversation; faith, more than political persuasion has forever been a polarizing subject.
I wasn’t going through the motions dialing in November 30th’s prayer the way some actors portray caricatures of themselves on film; Annette Benning can’t seem to lose control of herself. This prayer was the real deal — “Damn it God, I’m tired of waiting already; I want an answer today, before December starts.”
As for myself, God isn’t a specter vaguely perceived; even though God’s response appears through utter silence — listening is crucial. Sometime between closing my eyes that Wednesday night and waking Thursday, December 1st, I’d been granted that prayer’s earnest request. The polite expression, “thank you” was delivered, alongside decree to include those nice words before my prayer’s opening, “Thank you Lord Jesus Christ for having mercy on me a sinner and forgiving my sins.”
And so it goes, I’ll conclude this year with a clean slate, an early Christmas gift; no better way for me to begin 2017.